The Daily Logs of Madame Poppy Pomfrey
by kumquatwriter
Summary: A day's record, taken from the confidential patient logs of Healer in Residence, Madame Poppy Pomfrey.  Set during Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.  Rated T for strong innuendos.  Complete


**The Daily Logs of Madame Poppy Pomfrey**

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except for a number of random student names. J.K. Rowling created Harry Potter and his universe.

**March 14 **

7:00 AM Checked on current patients. Discharged Katherine Anderson (Hufflepuff, year 3) as all the bones in her left leg have been mended. Nigel Doyle (Ravenclaw, year 5) still sleeping—if no change in condition by end of week, will have to transfer to St. Mungo's as neither I nor Professor Snape have been able to determine what combination of sleeping potions he ingested. Ian Aldred (Ravenclaw, year 7) continuing to recover; overuse of Mind-Sharpening charm due to upcoming exams has resulted in pointed cranium and inability to stop vibrating.

7:15 AM Minerva McGonagall stopped in for a dose of Pepperup potion. Cold season is over—must consider if she is developing a problem.

7:40 AM Julian Barnes, Daniel Campbell and Duncan Garwood (Ravenclaw, year 4) reported in, complaining that once again the boys shower is spraying Shrinking Solution. Physical exam shows no spell damage—hot water heater in boys' dorm needs attention.

8:02 AM Breakfast interrupted by Henrietta Drury (Slytherin, year 3) in panic over allergic reaction to previous application of Bubotuber pus. Have reattached nose successfully, however must find alternative solution to spots, as now clearly form the constellation Casseopia across her left cheek.

8:30 AM Weasley Twins (Gryffindor, year 6) brought in, acid burns over 30 of their torsos. Refused to explain cause of injuries. Treated and discharged.

8:40 AM Weasley Twins return, acid burns over 40 of torsos plus on hands. Refused to explain cause of injuries. Treated and discharged with warning.

8:45 AM Zoë Wildcrest (Slytherin, year 1) suffering from misapplied jelly-legs curse. Treated and discharged.

8:58 AM Weasly Twins return. No acid burns this time, but they seem to have developed a thick, scaly coating to their torsos. Refued to explain cause of injuries. Treated and discharged with another warning. If they come back again, I'm not fixing it.

9:08 AM Gordon Carter (Slytherin, year 2) came in complaining that a female student had cast a swelling spell on him. Examined and discharged with pamphlet _Its Not Always A Spell When You're Twelve _by Pubert H. Woodcock.

9:15 AM Once again, year 3 Charms class cancelled due to misapplied vanishing spell vanishing all female students' robes. Five girls from Hufflepuff requesting memory modification. Refused. Assisted Professor Flitwik in modifying the boys' memories. Quietly spoke to Professor Sprout regarding undergarment requirements for female students.

9:45 AM Treated Argus Filch for shock and for thick, scaly coating to his torso. Think this has something to do with the Weasley twins.

10:23 AM Flying lessons for the first years. Treated six students (Gryffindor and Slytherin) for broken limbs.

11:30 AM Venomous Tentacula got a hold of Vena Matthais (Hufflepuff, year 3). Treated and discharged.

11:45 AM Venomous Tentacula got a hold of Charlotte Maghie (Gryffindor, year 3). Treated and discharged.

11:55 AM Venemous Tentacula got a hold of Julia Hawes (Hufflepuff, year 3). Treated and discharged.

11:59 AM Venemous Tentacula got a hold of Ginny Weasley (Gryffindor, year 3). Treated and discharged.

12:00 PM Hugh Davis (Hufflepuff, year 3) treated for bat-bogey hex. Discharged with detention for trying to get the Venemous Tentacula to undress female students.

1:00 PM Lunch miraculously uninterrupted. Returned to find Hagrid waiting. Don't even want to know what bit him. Treated and discharged.

1:20 PM Stopped to visit Pomona Sprout, as am running out of Bubotuber pus. Shared lovely cup of tea.

1:35 PM Summoned back to castle by Professor Snape. Neville Longbottom's (Gryffindor, year 4) caldron exploded again. Treated him, Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan (also Gryffindor, year 4) for various burns and lesions, as well as antler removal. Discharged.

1:50 PM Entire first year Defense Against the Dark Arts class treated for Everlasting Hiccups. Professor Alastor Moody still refusing treatment for what appears to be a rash due to overuse of Polyjuice Potion. He says it's a side effect of undercover operations as an Auror and besides, it makes him look rugged. Doesn't need to look more rugged in my opinion.

2:30 PM Katie Bell (Gryffindor, year 5) treated for misapplication of Dr. Dentin Molarr's Tooth-Whitening Potion. Have returned color to most of her head, but will take a bottle of Sleakeezy's Colo-gro to return color to her hair. Excused from afternoon classes.

2:55 PM Viktor Krum (Durmstrung visitor, year 7) treated for mild Grindylow bites. Can't make out how he missed them through accent. Something about Herman Ninny. Treated and discharged.

3:15 PM Treated Luna Lovegood (Ravenclaw, year 3) for ingestion of Extract of Snargaluff Pod. She claimed it was to treat an infestation of Foozbally Watsgibbers. I didn't bother to ask. Still haven't gotten over the whole Nargle thing.

3:25 PM Professor Flitwik stopped by for a cuppa. Was behaving very oddly towards me. Was flattered at first, but realized that he had been slipped a love potion. Guessing was a prank—probable Weasley involvement. Contacted Professor Snape for antidote. Hope he gets here soon.

3:28 PM Still awaiting Professor Snape. Did not know Filius was such a poet.

3:32 PM Really, Filius surprisingly talented.

3:35 PM Have sent message asking Professor Snape to come by later this evening.

4:28 PM Professor Snape has administered antidote to love potion to Professor Flitwick. Have also performed memory modification. Height is advantageous, but staff meetings would be far too awkward.

5:00 PM Professor McGonagall looking for another dose of Pepperup Potion before our presentation tonight. Very concerned about her habit.

5:15 PM Accompanied Professor McGonagall to give talk to students visiting from Beauxbatons Academy. Must not judge customs of other schools. Even if they appear to be filthy little tramps. Don't even know what healing might be needed, although judging from recent outbreak of Hogwarts boys unexpectedly and uncontrollably speaking in French, expect will have a few communicable maladies—or at least several new banned spells.

5:45 PM Will have to talk to Dumbledor about these visiting students. We know perfectly well the little hussies can speak English. The boys weren't much better, from what I can see.

6:00 PM Dinner at last. Have ensured all patients fed and cared for and am heading for the great hall.

6:55 PM Dinner cut short, as have three injured House Elves. Apparently infighting. Dobby most likely instigator. Unsure what was the cause, as all I could get out of any of them was something to do with spew. Treated and discharged.

7:00 PM Returned to Hospital Wing to find Alec Whitson (Ravenclaw, year 7) and Marilla Westhrope (Ravenclaw, year 6) trapped in misapplied leg-locker jinx. Separated them with some difficulty as am not sure how even at their age they got their legs in those positions. Discharged with warning. Reminded Argus Filch to better patrol the niche under that statue of Ardok the Amorous.

7:15 PM Four members of the Slythrin House Quidditch Team treated for thick, scaly coating on torsos, hands and legs and for shock. Definitley has to do with the Weasleys. However, as no Quidditch this year, will not bother to let Minerva or Professor Snape know. Still owe five galleons and sixteen sickles over last year's house cup. Do not wish to remind either of them.

8:26 PM Gwennog Whylfie (Hufflepuff, Year 1) treated for nasty bite from fanged Frisbee. Discharged with warning.

8:45 PM Madeline Rufus (Ravenclaw, Year 6) treated for tentacles sprouting from both ears. Appears to be misapplied jinx. Treated and discharged.

8:50 PM Draco Malfoy (Slytherin, Year 4) brought in for self-applied Swelling Solution. Honestly, you'd think that rumor would stop. Treated and discharged with warning.

9:00 PM Belinda Yacky (Ravenclaw, Year 5) brought in with horn growing from center of forehead and rapidly changing eye color. Apparently ingested entire bottle of Marylin Suzanne's Instant Animagus powder, hoping to become part unicorn. Treated and discharged with warning.

9:22 PM All toilets in teacher's bathroom regurgitating. Next time the Weasley twins come in they can heal it themselves.

9:45 PM That's it, I'm going to have to talk to Albus about that back room at Zonko's. Removed two Pocket Witches from Victor Chissick (Ravenclaw, year 4) and Gordon Cork (Hufflepuff, year 5). Both tudents thought it would let go eventually.

10:58 PM Summoned to assist in confiscation of several books from the Slythrin boys' dorm. Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe (Slytherin, year 4) claimed they believed book contained advanced dark magic. Will not record how many things wrong with this excuse.

11:45 PM I certainly hope I am mistaken in that pair of trainers walking unaided through the main hall. Is either Sneakysneak charm as part of prank or _someone_ in this school has an invisibility cloak. Considering alerting Argus. Oh sod it all, I'm going to bed.


End file.
